29 July 2006

The stupid jam
caused by the stupid construction
Stupidly panic
Stupidly rush
Stupidly cutting cues
reached there to stupidly find
stupid flight delayed
from 9.05pm to a stupid 11.35pm!
Stupid Air Asia!
The stupid restaurant
with the stupid customers
with the stupid food
Stupidly we wait
for the stupid time
for the stupid clock to tick faster
sat there stupidly doing nothing
Stupidly playing songs from our mobiles
we exchanged songs like Somethin' Stupid
Finally waited till the stupid hour
We depart at 11pm, I bid a stupid goodbye
Finally thought all stupidity is over
I received a stupid sms..
stupid flight delayed again!
Stupid Air Asia!
But having said all the stupid nonsense
I felt stupidly joyful
for I earned 2 extra stupid hours with him
Guess its not so stupid afterall :p
A stupid post
Saturday, July 29, 2006

A stupid post

27 July 2006

Whoaa... Heard the most outrageous thing couple of hours ago. Someone actually asked me to flirt with a 'her'. A 'HER' omigosh... A 'HER!' .

First of all, do I EVEN FLIRT?













... the answer of course is : yes-lar

BUT with 'HER'? That's absurd. And while all my colleagues started to 'virtually MSN-vomit' as they imagine the scene of me flirting with a WOMAN, I started thinking 'Hmm....The split second of me turning straight. What a nightmare....'

Brrrrr, just talking about it now makes me grow goosebump. Wakakakaka. Just kidding, not that 'kua-jiong'-lar. Nothing much today. Nothing to blog about. Just this 2 minutes worth of conversation during office hour to share with.
He, who flirts, but to Guys
Thursday, July 27, 2006

He, who flirts, but to Guys

26 July 2006

That's My Goal
Shayne Ward
Ward, Track 1 [ 3:41 ]

Well I know I've acted foolish
But I promise you no more
I've finally found that something
Worth reaching for

I'm not here to say I'm sorry
I'm not here to lie to you
I'm here to say I'm ready
That I've finally thought it through
I'm not here to let your love go
I'm not giving up oh no
I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal
Hope I won't stop believing
Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Hope I won't stop believing

25 July 2006

What's the problem with me listening to Light & Easy? I noticed alot of you gives me the 'hAR?' look when I listen to FM105.7 . What? Just because its 2006 now, doesn't mean I can't appreciate oldies. Just because I'm 25 now doesn't mean I must stick with Pussycat WaWa on Hitz ge-marr..

Don't you enjoy Easy Listening? Gosh.. living in such a polluted stressful society. Listening to BI-LING BA-LANG HARD ROCK/POP MUSIC... not good to the ears gar. Makes you old even faster (Then again I might be wrong, slow music = slow motion = slow body = older).

Whatever it is... Please, you don't like the channel le-wor.. mai change lor. Me very democratic-wan-lor. I won't control your choice of music in my car ge-lor. Just don't give me that 'hAR?' look.

It really annoys me.

Not as though I'm listening to those CHINESE OLDIES like ' Wo Deng Jer Ni Hui Lai' or Teresa Teng's 'Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin' etc. THOSE you can give me the 'hAR?' look.... but don't 'hAR?' me when I'm listening to beautiful songs like Olivia Newton John's 'Have you never been mellow' or Lobo's 'I'd love you to want me' or Shayne Ward's 'Stand by Me' (wakakakaka)

Hmph!
Oldies / Light & Easy
Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Oldies / Light & Easy

24 July 2006

I shouted : 'OH MY GOD!' at 12.34am

The Lake House. The movie I'm waiting (dying) to watch. Somehow it reminds me of 'While You Were Sleeping'. Maybe because its also starring Sandra Bullock and its another romance genre film (yes, I'm a sucker for romance :p)

So I went to their website. Watch the trailer... and SUDDENLY

Keane's 'SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW'

'OH MY GOD!'

MY FAVOURITE MOVIE (to be) with MY FAVOURITE SONG!

The song means alot to me. If you've read about my post some months ago, I've emphasized before how much I like the lyrics. And the movie is somewhat how I'd imagine the piece of music to be (portrayed). Where one waits to find his/her better half, where one waits to find a simple thing call love at a place, somewhere only 'they' know.

HOW LOMANTIK!~ XD I wanna watch The LAKE HOUSE like NOW! Who's with me?
The Lake House
Monday, July 24, 2006

The Lake House

23 July 2006

Allow me to say this :

DIU-lorr~ ...

I've already spent 2/3 of my August salary, I don't know if I can survive through August itself. No, I didn't shop around like mad just because its Megasales now. I spent it on me contact lens + .. *ahem* facial (and facial products too). Shitterz. I blame it on all the recent breakouts on me face *#@#!%^@#!!!


Looks like I won't be able to clear my card(s) till September. *grins*

Haiya... another month 'kena makan roti'. But nevermind-lar - its all for a good cause'. Moth is just beautifying thyself. Don't want to pollute KL/PJ with an ugly looking face you see. *cough* SIGH, the things I have to do to present you with a refreshing new look each time. You guys and gurls are so darn lucky to have me as your friend. Honest. Appreciate me before its too late. Later when I flee away and hang out with another group of new found friends, then you'll be left feeling empty.

*moth runs to the toilet and BLuERGghH*
Break & Broke
Sunday, July 23, 2006

Break & Broke

22 July 2006

About two months or so ago, I did a tarot reading - just to see which woven rug Autumn moth would rest on for the upcoming 3 months. And I'm blessed with the card of 'Ace of Cups'. It reads :


Ace of Cups
Primary Principle - Celebration. The querent is celebrating a culmination of love. There is abundance in his life, especially in terms of personal, intimate relationships. This relationship is so plentiful in its uplifting expression that many others may share in its beauty and bounty. This is a time of joy and contentment; a celebration of some sort may be on the horizon.

If I am to translate this card in a direct loosely manner - Yes I am in fact, have been feeling such way over the past few weeks after I met him. Culmination of love, personal, intimate relationships, uplifting expression. How should I put it? Perhaps I tried too hard to pull all these together, I've always have a tendency to link everything together and made judgement on a personal level. Though I hope, this time, its not purely just coincidence.

I did another reading today. I seek for a guidance, a deeper understanding of what is to be done. I share with my Tarot, the misery, the helpless feeling and hope she'd show me a clearer path in which I can refer to. The card reads:


Page of Pentacles
Primary Principle - Good news. This may represent someone who is not the most practical of people - someone in need of learning the more pragmatic aspects of life. Perhaps you gve him or her this opportunity and have a good time in the process! He or she may ask you provide the financial circumstances through which such sharing may be possible.

Again, I CAN relate this to him. As the page of pentacles may stand for a young man whose relationship to me involves stability, trust, commitment, safety and material needs, why its even easier for me to relate everything of me and him more than anything else. If you ask me, I'd personally convey the card as a learning process, a time to build on the aspect of communication.

Then again, I might be wrong.

And again, its a reading. I'm not going to take it as a whole, but I won't disregard what has been told either. Perhaps you tell me what to do. Is it me ? For I connect everything with everything (too 'prasan') ? Or its irony that the cards coincide with the events ? Or maybe not at all - neither one corresponds with each another.

p/s : Plastyk : I'd love to hear from you. This is YOUR field of studies ( but I'm not expecting a 'karangan' from you please )
I.GIVE.UP.I'm.not.fine.
Saturday, July 22, 2006

I.GIVE.UP.I'm.not.fine.

21 July 2006

Next To-watch movie:
The Lake House
Price: rm10
Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock again. The names are enough to captivate me to watch this movie. Luv the bizarre storyline. How do you hold on to someone you've never met? - *sigh, Perhaps I'll film the next sequel and tag it: How do I hold on to someone I've met?

Next To-do plan (immediate):
Monthly Facial
Price: rm 120 and above
Darn pimply face is back. I ran out of moisturizer. I've not been applying mask - there is 2 more in the fridge, but tends to forget. How am I going out to meet people with this face. Not like its gonna get me any lengcai-er lar but at least I'd feel satisfied with me skin that goes 'doink doink'

Next To-do plan (not-so-immediate):
Hair Highlight
Price: rm 110 and above
The purple dye is gone. Original mya brownish tone is back. There's no point dying my hair brown again and since I like lighter brown/hazel.. perhaps I'd have it highlighted instead.

Next To-buy item (immediate):
SofLens 38
Price: rm120
Last pair of contact lens expired on Wednesday. But I don't care - still wearing it. No money to buy new sets-lar. Alternatively, I go with my new glasses. Then again, I don't look good in some outfit with glasses on. And its a big hassle when it comes to Yoga class. Damn.. should I get colored contacts ? LOLz.. My inner hiao-chi telling me to do so.

Next To-buy item (long-term):
Panasonic Lumix DMC-FX01
Price : rm1599
She has one. She bought it too. She has a camera. So does she. He just got one too. I have none. I'm not complaining.. while I don't have a camera, I have my w810i to *snap* (Picture saved) - Enough said.

Next To-fix item:
Car Window & Servicing
Price: rm (NotSure)
Been a while. Been a while. Stupid windows (front seats) had been stucked for about a month now and I've been opening/closing the door to go through tolls and carpark ticketing machines. I'm so gonna update my resume - obtained a Diploma in Proton Vehicles (Waja class honours) - Majoring in Car Door opening/closing

Next To-go venue:
Frangipani
Price: rm (Unknown)
Who's with me on Friday? I realized I've said this a few million times : I'm so gonna go out, hunt for someone and just get laid. Hehe. Haiyaa.. you really think I'll do that meh? (in IRC) - asl ? stats? seeking? Reply : 25 chi KL. 176 65. fun (aka sex). Haiyaa.. you really think I'll type so meh? The truth is : YE......... NNnno! NO! NO! ... maybe 3% Yes... but... 97% NO! That's not the point, let's go Frangi and have a drink.

Next To-blog topic:
I.GIVE.UP.I'm.not.fine.
Price: rm 0 (Free)
I believe you've been following my blog. And recently, there's alot about my.. that one-ler. So, yah, there'll be more to rant. Yes, RANT! *sobs*
p/s: Mr. Graham Coxon, sorry I'm not able to share 'why am I not fine' to you. You're not the one I'd want to share it with (verbally).

Next To-listen mp3:
初恋粉色系 by 南拳妈妈
Price: rm 5 divided by 20 songs. Uhm.. rm 0.25
Soft simple easy rhythm. Not complicated at all. In case you (you know who you are-lar) thought its gonna be 'Stand by me' by Shayne Ward, well... you're not wrong also, cuz that's memang in my 'forever playing' playlist... but as for now, the next mp3 I'm gonna double-click on me iTunes will be '初恋粉色系' *sigh*... will you staNNNNNnnnnnnnNNnnnnnd by me~~ HoLLD on, and never let me gOOoOoo~~

Next To-visit holiday destination:
Bali
Price: rm (NotSure)
If its not because of Oli's photos...Enuff' said.

Next To-slap person:
Me, myself and I
Price: rm (Priceless)
I'm still dreaming. Day dream, night dream. Eat dream, Drink dream, sleep dream. Its about time to wake up from all the dreams. Dry dreams, Wet dreams, Hot dreams, Cold dreams...... WET dreams? LOLz no comment - Personal 'salty' level has increased tremendously this month dunno why. *ahem*
I'm thinking of these now
Friday, July 21, 2006

I'm thinking of these now

17 July 2006

©plastyk says:
me my aunt and lindy were walking back to the car from the restaurant we had our dinner
©plastyk says:
my uncle and my other cousin walked way in front lah
©plastyk says:
then i was walking behind my aunt and kwong
©plastyk says:
the area a bit dark lah.. and then got a house on the left no one stays, and the window broken and all
©plastyk says:
i got scared and dare not look...
©plastyk says:
and then no sound mah... quiet.. wind blowing...
©plastyk says:
on the left of the pavement is the mainroad.. so got people park car there lah
©plastyk says:
hak mang mang sure cannot notice right got peoplein the car or not
`HirosHi kNy says:
okay
`HirosHi kNy says:
yeppz
©plastyk says:
then suddenly one of the car's engine started you know
©plastyk says:
i freaked out.. and yelled out "MA HAI!"
`HirosHi kNy says:
OMFGLMAO!!
`HirosHi kNy says:
ROTFLMAO!!!
©plastyk says:
and my aunt got scared but only said "ai yoyo"
©plastyk says:
and then she went "wah lau !!!!!!!!! SO VULGAR!!!!!!!!!!!! where you learn??!?!?!!"
`HirosHi kNy says:
ai yoyo ? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
©plastyk says:
i totally went "shit shit shit..." and started laughing... and oops.. oops...
©plastyk says:
kwong was saying "wah! SERENA C**** S*** F**!"
`HirosHi kNy says:
oh yaaaa a big WOOPS man!
`HirosHi kNy says:
BIG OOOPS
`HirosHi kNy says:
hahahahahahahahahhahahaha
`HirosHi kNy says:
kwong called ur FULL NAME!!
©plastyk says:
then i said... "ai yah... hang out with bliss they all.. got learn wan lor.."
©plastyk says:
then i faster change subject to kwong.. "wah kwong you also know ar...!!! "
`HirosHi kNy says:
hahahahahahahahahahaha
`HirosHi kNy says:
sei poh
©plastyk says:
then my aunt went "wah kwong.. yeah lor.. thought innocent.."
©plastyk says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
©plastyk says:
kwong called my full name.. a few times..
©plastyk says:
sure tai wok dy lah
©plastyk says:
ahahahah
`HirosHi kNy says:
hahahahahahhaahhaahahahahahhaha
`HirosHi kNy says:
then my aunt went "wah kwong.. yeah lor.. thought innocent.." <--wakakaka
`HirosHi kNy says:
this is so hilarious wei
©plastyk says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHh

------------------------------------------
BEFORE I PUBLISH THIS:
------------------------------------------

`HirosHi kNy says:
i'm gonna put ur story on me blog dee
©plastyk says:
usually, i control
`HirosHi kNy says:
now shud I rename all names...
©plastyk says:
ermm.. dont' put my full name okay
©plastyk says:
hahaha
©plastyk says:
yeaps
©plastyk says:
fiction okay
©plastyk says:
AHHAHAHAHAAH
`HirosHi kNy says:
let see i have plastyk, kw*ng, serena c**** s*** f**, lind*
©plastyk says:
why not just copy and paste this conversation lah
`HirosHi kNy says:
I DID
`HirosHi kNy says:
I ALREADY DID
©plastyk says:
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
©plastyk says:
WAH LAUh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
`HirosHi kNy says:
from me my aunt and lind*... until ... kw*ng so innocent
©plastyk says:
hahahahahahaaha
©plastyk says:
you think lah
`HirosHi kNy says:
so ur full names gonna be there
©plastyk says:
you genius in writing funny stuff
©plastyk says:
har
©plastyk says:
don want
`HirosHi kNy says:
i'm just gonna splat the whole conversation in
`HirosHi kNy says:
not gonna change anything except the names
©plastyk says:
okay
©plastyk says:
you can keep the plastyk
©plastyk says:
i dont' mind it lah
`HirosHi kNy says:
kw*ng?
©plastyk says:
and less job for you anyway
`HirosHi kNy says:
lind*?
©plastyk says:
ahahhahahahah
`HirosHi kNy says:
Serena C**** S*** F**?
`HirosHi kNy says:
lolz
©plastyk says:
ermmmm
©plastyk says:
aunt Lin
©plastyk says:
aiyo i donno lah
©plastyk says:
put nickname not funny dy hor
©plastyk says:
I know
`HirosHi kNy says:
i know laa...
©plastyk says:
you blank it ou tlike this lah
`HirosHi kNy says:
just put asterisk
©plastyk says:
Serena C***** S***
©plastyk says:
WAH!
©plastyk says:
same thought!!!!!!
©plastyk says:
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHH
`HirosHi kNy says:
lolz
`HirosHi kNy hi-5 serena
©plastyk says:
i dont mind Serena...
©plastyk says:
the ch*** s*** f**, *** it lah
'Ma Hai' when use appropriately
Monday, July 17, 2006

'Ma Hai' when use appropriately

16 July 2006

To the fuc*ing old man at Midvalley Basement 2 Parking on Saturday 11.30am : God is watching, YOU JUST WAIT! As a strong 'karma' believer, I believe you'd have your share of 'deed' soon.

So what happened-leh? As usual, we know how packed the car park would be on weekends. Anyway, I took a few rounds around the basement then I took a left turn, noticed a man in his 50s slowly unloading the stuffs from his Carrefour shopping cart to his car boot. I put on my car signal indicating 'I'm waiting for this(your) parking space... He saw my car, saw my signal and kept looking. I realized he slowed down his pace. S-LO-WLY trasferring the bags of stuffs - BAG-by-BAG (each bag around an average of 15-20 seconds) - into his car. I thought fine, since I have plenty of time ahead today, I'll wait and be patient. I am afterall.. kinda 'free' that day ( haii!~ no date is like dat ge-larr )

Finally after a good 2-3 minutes, he's done with the load/unload thing. He pushes the cart away, walk back towards his car's direction, ..... and continue walking back to the mall's entrance.. AND THE GOD DAMN 'SEI LOU YEH' smirks and looks back at me! KNNCCBMCHTNSHKLHKC!! You JUST WAIT, you 'SEI LOU HANG'!!

I didn't do anything of course. I just SIGH* and proceed to look for another parking space. UrrGhh! I could've done alot of things, but FINE~ .. I don't want to 'kira' so much with these kind of people. Make me look cheap only.

What a JERK man I tell you.
WHAT A TOTAL SCUMBAG I tell you!
WHAT AN ANIMAL man I tell you!

If he is not leaving the goddamn place yet, just let me know-lar. He has got fetish for making people wait for something not worth waiting is it? KNLBCCB (gee, I take that back.. ptui)! I pity his family, his wife, children and grandchildren ( or maybe he lives all alone, single and abandoned and unwanted ) - dunno how they live up to their dignity.

SOME Malaysian.. Terlalu BOLEH.
Dear Uncle,
Sunday, July 16, 2006

Dear Uncle,

The cut on my finger is healing. So as the emotional side of my conscious self. Bliss said I recovered rather quickly - it was just a week ago when I felt stoned, down and living in misery, and now, I'm myself again. It looks as though I'm up and running again, the slut is ALIVE once more...

The fact is, I did not.

I have yet to recover from it. But I've chosen a path that minimizes the pain in me. I reckon' its better this way. Sometimes a 'hope' might not be a good thing. I ended the 'hope' and regain the self in me.

=) Life's little bargain. *sigh*

Once in a while, I still talk about him. I can not NOT talk about him. The feeling is still there. Slowly subsiding but not entirely. Just don't surprise me with another tweak and twist in the storyline. I'm so not prepared for another change. Am so so so NOT prepared.

Perhaps Aunt Lo was right afterall - my love line sucks (palm reading) !
Keep on the 'One Way' lane
Sunday, July 16, 2006

Keep on the 'One Way' lane

15 July 2006

When you asked why, I was hoping that you'd listen. But instead, you questioned us back and saying you don't see a problem with it. It's because you already want things that way. You're not going to change anything, that's for sure. Its very irresponsible what you said. You truly did not carry out your responsibilities well enough to be respected by us. You disappointed me as much as I disappointed you. Fair enough.

As for the other one, I'm not surprised you'd post up the message. Assumptions are made and your assumptions are wrong. You too, did not want to listen because you already want things your way. You don't live up to your promise, your own words. I have nothing to learn from you since you chose not to learn from us either. I don't hate you, I am not against you. But I just don't quite like the way you deal with things.

What we did the last time. What we learnt the last time - Did we really put that into good use in reality? No, I don't see the least. Did we really adapt to what was taught? No, I don't see that happening either. Did we successfully carried out what we aimed to do? No, not even a single percentage of it. So, how effective was it? I'm not blind, I can see its going nowhere. It surely would take more than just a few liners to convince me its going to be different this time. And with the responds we're getting - Sorry, it just doesn't spark up the spirit in me. As much as I would like to touch on religious issue and the different environment we were brought up and how it affects our mentality, I'm not going to. I have respect for that - and in return, I hope you can spend a little bit more time and understand ours' too.

Nevertheless, I will still play the game. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna show you how right I am or how right you proof yourself to be. I will continue to play the game for the sake of not ending it - not because I like it, but because I'm left with options that aren't really much of an option.

I don't mean to provoke anything or anyone here. You know who you are, where you stand. All I aim to do is just to let things out in a space of my own.
A little note
Saturday, July 15, 2006

A little note

13 July 2006

I....




don't feel right.
- I am not in the mood right now.

I don't know WHY. I don't know why. Don't KNOW WHY! DONT KNOW WHY!!
- I'm physically tired.

I'm d.e.a.d.


(sitting on the chair, head facing up, eyes closed)


I'm tired. Really tired.
I DONNO WHY! STOP ASKING!!
Feeling Empty (Part II)
Thursday, July 13, 2006

Feeling Empty (Part II)

11 July 2006

I'm 25. Oh my fu*king biatches and sluts. I know it has only been 21 days so far BUT... alot took place. I feel grown up already; despite all the whining over the past few days-larr, must excuse that abit-ler.. (give discount okay!?).. I am afterall just a normal tiny eenie weenie somewhat-introverted low self-esteem but with high hopes, high EQ and high temper-tolerance level.... man.

I got myself a new pair of glasses. Black frames. Qiqi said I look like a school teacher. I resent! I look smart (cause' I am smart anyway,.. but that's not the point here). and the glasses like me - it made me look even more brilliantly... smart. Maturity level +5 points.

I got myself a new hairstyle. Still wax em' up. But much neater and shorter. Millfross said I look fairer.., probably cause' the used-to-be longer hair looks messy and in a way affects moi complecion? AnYway, let's just face it. I AM fair. However, the truth is : I don't really like shorter hairs. It makes me look....... young.. as in a 'boy'. Maturity level -5 points. (Damn!)

I got myself a new phone. Bid farewell to my Nokia 6610, say Hello to my new Sony Ericsson w810i. The best part is, I don't have to pay for the phone. Someone did.... Then again its BECAUSE THAT particular SOMEONE owes me big bucks and this is like a one-time super saver promotion deal - The 'Get me a phone and that covers for the cash you owed me' kinda thing. Srenae said its an All-in-1 phone. I have yet to explore my new precious yet, but I already find it cool. I feel so adult now. Maturity level +10 points. (Woo Hoo!)

I met him and I fell for him. Not good... Let's just skip this shall we? Maturity level -10 points. (Darn, but I don't give a shit as long as I skip this part!)

I've got my personal 'Dear Thelma' over the past few days, it rocKs! Felt as though I'm consulting a psychiatrist, going through counselling session what not. Wow.. So UrbAn-lifestyle-ish. You know-lar, no one to talk to when down le-wor, 'hou san fu-garr' (I have Oli Guacamoli to thank for... its time to resign and open up your own Psychiatric clinic-lar. By that time you'd earn millions you can have plenty D820 as you wish, lolz). Stress level and pressure increases. Maturity level +10 points.

So how did I score?

Hhmm.. seems like its back to square one. No wonder I don't feel much different being a 25. Gee.. okay I take back my words - I'm not that 'grown up' afterall. Just the same old me, only BETTER.. and but then again I'm always BETTER than anyone else, so let see... *correction *correction... Just the same old me, only much more refined and close to PERFECT *ah-Hem* And don't you dare disagree with that! You may choose to ignore though, but I know you won't.. you won't right? YOU WON'T GEH~

I luv ya~
25 years + 21 days old
Tuesday, July 11, 2006

25 years + 21 days old

09 July 2006

I am feeling much better today. No, things are not resolved yet. It still stays where it is - not a single inch moved. But I've done my part. I hinted, I did my confession, I did what I think is right for myself - to let him know and not regret not doing so. Yet, No apparent answer. No obvious hint from him. But I am fine with it. I'm happy with the way it is. I am not going to push anyone of us. I have had enough of the unsettling mind over the past few days. I need to put an end to this - Or I know I would continue to be the walking zombie that irritates the hell out of many people such as Bliss.

Just to let you know how big the impact has on me over the past few days - well, I ..... hurt my finger while dicing up apples. The cut was deep, it was bleeding like hell. I just stoned and stood there watching my blood flows out. I still remember how 'calmly' I told Bliss that my finger is bleeding ( and she thought I was joking ). I didn't feel any pain.. at all. I was too busy stoning and thinking about all the things I ...... shouldn't really be thinking of; now that I thought of it, its rather silly. I even asked Bliss if my reaction is perhaps abit wee too 'calm' and she said 'Yes!', I should scream out frantically - now that's how a person bleeding should and would normally react. I just can't help but 'sigh'. I've been 'sigh-ing' for no reason for a week now. Its about time to stop.

So if things aren't resolved, how can I possibly let go of things? I don't really want to care now. Whether he feels the same or there's only friendship between us, so be it. I love the way it is now and I'm happy with it now - though not fully satisfied. Nothing's perfect anyway. And I know only time can tell. Yes, I'll leave it to time - I restrain myself from crying over another person(man) again. It sucks. But if I do, don't ask me why, just let me do so.

We still hang out together -nothing's changed. He called, I called, He smsed, I smsed, He MSN, I MSN, He laughed, I laughed, He smiled, I smiled back even more. For all I know, I wouldn't want to lose him as a companion, a friend, an individual. I hope he'd remain in my life even if things doens't work out how I hope it'd be. It's not easy to search for a person whom you have feelings for and it's even harder to have him walk into your life. So, ya.. I have chose to stay neutral; I might rant over times, but I promise that's that.

I am blessed to find what I want ; and I am grateful for that.
I expect more than just 'oh okay.. hahaha'
Sunday, July 09, 2006

I expect more than just 'oh okay.. hahaha'

06 July 2006

I don't know how to put in words, what I am feeling now.

I don't know,

... what I'm looking for.
... what I should be looking for.
... if looking for it is the right thing to do.
... if I should even be looking for it.

Been awhile since I last felt the same way; not exactly the same but the message is clear.

I care, for that it matters.
Feeling Empty
Thursday, July 06, 2006

Feeling Empty

02 July 2006

Everyone knows everyone. It really does freak people(me) out.

Of six degrees
Sunday, July 02, 2006

Of six degrees

01 July 2006

I've waited for a year and a half now.. and I'm still waiting. Its obviously not healthy to be so conscious about it. I've repeated this for at least a few hundred times now - "When it comes, it comes, no rush" but I never really meant it once myself.

Relationship. Partner . Soulmate?

I'm pretty sure I can live without it. But its a good-to-have kinda thing and I thought to myself at times, so what was I waiting for then?

Chemistry's missing - thats for sure.

A friend of mine used to tell me that her low self esteem often pulls her back from a potential relationship. She doesn't feel that she deserves to be loved by anyone. Its rather 'stupid' if you asked me... but now, I'm slowly digesting it - I'm beginning to feel it, and that's bad.

Why am I pulling back?

I mind the fact that I'm just 'ordinary' - in the sense that I'm not gifted physically nor intellectually. I mind the fact that I've always lead a single life and I'm a rather selfish bastard myself - I'm not used to taking care / taken care of. Sure, its all about compromising but that's something I'm not very good at.

.....

..... I don't know why am I posting this up. Its absurd.

I'm going to see him tomorrow. Will see how it goes.
All things come to he who waits
Saturday, July 01, 2006

All things come to he who waits