24 October 2016

And this marks the day when I finally let it all out. Every ounce of feeling and thoughts poured out as my family members listen in disbelief. Such an awkward evening - an emotional one - crying, denial, anger.. Now it is just a matter of accepting the truth and marching forward.

Good night folks.
My Decision
Monday, October 24, 2016

My Decision

17 September 2016

Meet Baby Jacob.

My nephew. Born this afternoon weighing at 7 pounds :) Cute. Grow up strong and healthy lil' fella!

Love you lots 
- Uncle Kenny -

Saturday, September 17, 2016


05 July 2016

If there's anything such as a daily mood data, mine would probably look like an electrocardiograph of a heart beat.. 

Up, down, spikes up, spikes down, up, down, interval...

Let's break these down:

[ Up ]
Waking up in the morning feeling fresh, with a good hot shower and able to have a hot cuppa before heading for work.

[ Down ]
Usually anxiety, caused by physical problems such difficulty in breathing, lack of energy and muscle aches. Other reason likely to be - unexpected load of incoming jobs in the office >.<

[ Spikes up ]
Happy moments when I listen to my favorite songs/ have silly talks with friends/ don't give a damn about what I eat (as opposed to restricting my protein intake).

[ Spikes down ]
Usually stress, caused by uncertainties and overthinking ie: thinking and magnifying unresolved problems esp. during shower/ night/ bed time. Yes, I tend to overthink a lot.. Other reason likely to be - bad conversation with people around/ argued unnecessarily. 

[ Interval ]
Zone out hours. An accumulative of sleeping time, tv time and point blank moments (usually happens after the overthinking process).

So many feels in a day. Am I complicating things or is that a norm? I hope I'm not going crazy anytime soon, or am I?

Beep... Beep...
Tuesday, July 05, 2016

Beep... Beep...

03 July 2016

I know very little of the movie 'Me Before You'. A love story, they said. Some cried.

Well, I cried a little.

*Spoilers ahead*

Not at the fact that Lou couldn't be with Will. But because Will (paralyzed) made a decision to end his life through the help of a Swiss-based suicidal organization. He made a choice for himself. A way that makes him feel like, better, being himself and in control.

My eyes were teary when Lou tries to make a bucket of wish list in hope to change Will's decision by making him appreciate his life, that life is worth living and be happy. It could work, but it's never gonna be the same. It's true what Will said, it could never feel the same, it's not the real him.

I can relate to Will's intention.

Really shouldn't have watched this. Mood level dropped by 90% at time of writing. *feeling down*
Just a little Down
Sunday, July 03, 2016

Just a little Down

02 July 2016


We settled for 'Jun' . I grew tired of being a 'Kenny' - too much pressure and overly dramatic.

My name is Jun. Still me, just a different label.
My new name is
Saturday, July 02, 2016

My new name is

26 June 2016

First time ever in Thailand. First experience of Bangkok. No, I did not do anything a regular tourist would. It is to be a relaxing trip - or rather just a trip to visit a friend who happens to be staying there, thechaoskun.

I like it here. Can't tell because of the warm hospitality provided by chaoskun or simply because I just love the city. Maybe it's both. Either way, I'll definitely return to BKK.

What we did :

1) watched 7 movies over the span of 3 nights in BKK, 2 of which are at the local cinema. First time experiencing upper class cinema with bed - courtesy of chaoskun. Gotta love it !

2) malls along Sukhumvit. If I remember correctly, I was there at EmQuartier, Emporium, Central Embassy, Terminal 21 and Siam Paragon. And I now know where Mega Bangna, Erawan, GaySorn are. And knowing where to spot for them riding the BTS lol.

3) Pray at Wat Hua Lampong, and Erawan Shrine. And experiencing how it feels like donating MYR1k to a temple, thanks to rich Yunko (the Good Samaritan).

4) Nope, not (entirely) Thai food. But a variety of other cuisines. I called this the Swarm tour - the places chaoskun checked in to his Swarm on his usual days :D . We had Thai , HK style cafe, Taiwanese food, Chinese food, fast food ie. MOS burger. LMAO - who said u need to travel the globe to try different cuisines?

5) finally get to learn how to use : chai, yen, Neng geao, song geao, check bin, krub, Khob khun (Na) krub.. Etc etc simply Thai lol

oh NOW I remember why I like BKK - must be all those cute guys around XD . Darn it!
BKK Virgin
Sunday, June 26, 2016

BKK Virgin

06 June 2016

Dude, you are confusing as fwaak.. I remember seeing you in CONJURING then you saved your son from hell, then your family saved you ... Okay wait, so that's INSIDIOUS and INSIDIOUS 2. I got the movie names mixed up..

Then what the fwakk is CONJURING !? ..*stares at The Conjuring movie poster* - okay so it was the tree thingy I vaguely remember there's something not dead at the bottom of the cellar (rite? Rite?) .. You were there, but I also remember seeing Annabelle there... But wait that's CONJURING, not ANNABELLE.. You weren't in ANNABELLE ..

ANNABELLE's the one with the wife obsessed over human puppets and the busybody black woman librarian rite ? Rite?

So, which is CONJURING again? Shoots.. Guess I'll have to re-watch all of em' to make this work.

Not to mention there's also the upcoming CONJURING 2. Gee....
Seriously Mr. Wilson?
Monday, June 06, 2016

Seriously Mr. Wilson?

01 June 2016

And so, I brought up the matter and decided to openly discuss the options and consequences to my current condition - just to get all the facts and input correctly. I want and I feel there's a need to gather all possible factors that may/may not affect my decision (in a quite literal way - a life or death decision).

To sum it all up, it's really a game of EMOTIONAL vs. FUNCTIONAL .

Currently, I don't feel like fighting on. Fighting on only means extending emotional pain, depression and sufferings, which honestly I grew tired of. So, this is the emotional aspect of the decision.

Fighting on, on a positive note, may also mean prolonging life span and being functional (just doing what I'm doing now) for another few more years and hoping for a miracle thereafter. This is the functional aspect of the decision.

Was given a month or so to think over this. My current thoughts? I don't feel like going on. I'm not a Duracell bunny. I need to stop somewhere sometime soon. And I'm feeling this should be it.

Yep, I have had enough.
Continue [ Y/N ]
Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Continue [ Y/N ]

25 May 2016

10% remaining.
Draining out.
This is me, now.
Come what may.
水來土掩 兵至將迎
Wednesday, May 25, 2016

水來土掩 兵至將迎

22 May 2016

Seo Jin or Robin?

Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin!
Hyde, Jekyll, Me
Sunday, May 22, 2016

Hyde, Jekyll, Me