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I'm getting married!

Couple of days ago, I brought up the issue of faking a marriage during my yumcha session with a few of my friends. It was hilarious. Little did I know that it takes more than just acting lovey dovey husband and wife and called it off (divorce) after a year.

But first things first, why a fake marriage. Simple - to keep the mouth of all aunties/uncles SHUT! - so that they won't bombard me with questions like getting a girlfriend and moving on with the next phase of my life, and most importantly, no doubts about my sexual orientation =) Then again, I brought the issue up as casual topic only-lar. You think I'd be nuts enough to really execute the plan-meh?

Summary of our mamak-conversation :

The Pre-Requisite :

• An apartment of your own - Far away from your parents!
• LOTs of Money - to pay for all the actors and actresses and whatever involves
• A friend who works in the Civil Registry - Just to put on a show on the 'big day'. Finish off the 'I do' part
• A designer - If we can't have an actual wedding cert, we'll have someone design it for us
• A wife - Some real businesswoman who works till late at night. Preferably Quick-Wit. Obviously don't expect to stay with you. That's why an apartment would be good to hide her away from your parents.
• Actors - Friends/Outsider who's there to act for you 24/7
• A friend who runs a jewelry shop -as Sponsors you see... for the bride you see....
• A photographer - Just someone to shoot photos (need not professional-lar)
• A friend who works in a bridal shop - What else? as Sponsors-lar
• A guide (book or something) that states all your & your fake spouse's detail information (like his/her favourite food/color etc)
• Convince your parents - NO Wedding Dinner!

Be prepared 24/7 ! Assuming your parents are paying you an UNexpected visit (say late at night around 2am), know how to react accordingly. You never know if :

• Your Oscar-winning 'wife' is not around that time. Thats when you can say she's still at work (Remember she's a businesswoman who works till late?)
• Your wife is not there. Instead, you have someone *special* there with you that night. THINK quick! Make a story out of it and explain it to your parents (even if he's just wrapped in a towel or nothing at all) -Bliss suggests to make him the .. uhm... plumber, who soaks himself wet and needed to change? *how lame* tsk tsk
• Your 'wife' is drunk (because she just got back from clubbing as you asked her to - given that, you know your parents are coming over - see? thats why we need an apartment as far as possible). Cover up accordingly and just make sure she's sober enough not to leak out any of the 'plan' or walk into the wrong room, say the wrong words etc.

If parents are persuasive on the 'getting a child part', put up a drama after 3-4 months - wife getting nausea every now and then. Just when everyone pressume/assume/thought she's pregnant, declare that its only a mistake. In chinese cantonese we call this "Sek Char Wu".

Now after the 8th-9th months, you might plan to put up an even bigger drama this time - Arguments. LOTS and LOTS of arguments with your wife. Go into a cold war if necessary! It's a huge step that will contribute to the 'divorce' part later. Make sure your parents are concerned about all the arguments/misunderstanding and leave them a BAD impression of your wife.

At anytime after or close to a year (that's 12 months to be precised), you may now start with the plan to call for a divorce with your 'wife'. Awww... SAD but it's alright (like anyone of us actor and actress cares?)

Now, continue to act 'down' for the next upcoming few months (up to you). As down as possible as though you're a real LOSER! When you're ready, just be yourself again. This time, whenever people pushes you again about getting a girlfriend/marriage, decline, and proudly say 'BEEN THERE, DONE THAT' (or you can pretend to have developed a phobia towards your opposite sex)

Cool? UNCOOL!