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I expect more than just 'oh okay.. hahaha'

I am feeling much better today. No, things are not resolved yet. It still stays where it is - not a single inch moved. But I've done my part. I hinted, I did my confession, I did what I think is right for myself - to let him know and not regret not doing so. Yet, No apparent answer. No obvious hint from him. But I am fine with it. I'm happy with the way it is. I am not going to push anyone of us. I have had enough of the unsettling mind over the past few days. I need to put an end to this - Or I know I would continue to be the walking zombie that irritates the hell out of many people such as Bliss.

Just to let you know how big the impact has on me over the past few days - well, I ..... hurt my finger while dicing up apples. The cut was deep, it was bleeding like hell. I just stoned and stood there watching my blood flows out. I still remember how 'calmly' I told Bliss that my finger is bleeding ( and she thought I was joking ). I didn't feel any pain.. at all. I was too busy stoning and thinking about all the things I ...... shouldn't really be thinking of; now that I thought of it, its rather silly. I even asked Bliss if my reaction is perhaps abit wee too 'calm' and she said 'Yes!', I should scream out frantically - now that's how a person bleeding should and would normally react. I just can't help but 'sigh'. I've been 'sigh-ing' for no reason for a week now. Its about time to stop.

So if things aren't resolved, how can I possibly let go of things? I don't really want to care now. Whether he feels the same or there's only friendship between us, so be it. I love the way it is now and I'm happy with it now - though not fully satisfied. Nothing's perfect anyway. And I know only time can tell. Yes, I'll leave it to time - I restrain myself from crying over another person(man) again. It sucks. But if I do, don't ask me why, just let me do so.

We still hang out together -nothing's changed. He called, I called, He smsed, I smsed, He MSN, I MSN, He laughed, I laughed, He smiled, I smiled back even more. For all I know, I wouldn't want to lose him as a companion, a friend, an individual. I hope he'd remain in my life even if things doens't work out how I hope it'd be. It's not easy to search for a person whom you have feelings for and it's even harder to have him walk into your life. So, ya.. I have chose to stay neutral; I might rant over times, but I promise that's that.

I am blessed to find what I want ; and I am grateful for that.